Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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