Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
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had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
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She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize