whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Of course I have a pirate flag
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
