Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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