you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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