last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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