he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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