Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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