There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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