My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
