Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
