dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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