alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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