I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
