oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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