He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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