the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
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I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
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Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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