I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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