Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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