Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i drank out of a bidet.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
