How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
