So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
