so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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