nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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