Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
