The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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