there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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