First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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