So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
