you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
