I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
