I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
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literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
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I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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