i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
