If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
