Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
