you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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