some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Where did you get a picture of my penis
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
