My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
