dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
