Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
