Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just pee around me
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
