You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
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