Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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