Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
