Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Text me some of your sweat
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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