Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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