His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
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