Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
