your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
