I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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