I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
