It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
