If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
