I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She even gives head with a lisp.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
