Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
