things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
