You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
