Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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