pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
