Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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