I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize