glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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