yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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