i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
