I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
