come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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