I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
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I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
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We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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