did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
