dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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