I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you traded sex for a burrito?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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