My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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