I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
