I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
