I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
