3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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