im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
