I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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