It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
