Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I wish you could order shots online.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
