New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
should my penis look like a turkey
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
