where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I think i peed on brittanys purse
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
