i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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