How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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