i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
