I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
