my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
