i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
