SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
