My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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