I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
