thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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