woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
