Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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