yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
