guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
