Pants 0. Shit 1.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
